Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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