Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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