that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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