Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
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He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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