I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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