Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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