Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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