The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize