I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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