my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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