he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize