Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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