Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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