i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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