we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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