He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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