it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
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I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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