I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This is the prime rib incident all over again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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