i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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