elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
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Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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