as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize