3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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