Your dad touched me again.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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