Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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