He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
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