Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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