Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize