I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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