I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize