The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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