Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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