Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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