I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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