I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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