'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
what day is it and did you see me today?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
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I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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