remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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