Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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