if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i dont even know how to be here
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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