Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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