i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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