The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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