There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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