The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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