I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
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She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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