love makes seman taste better
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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