We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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