I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize