So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
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Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
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