hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
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I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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