I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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